events and documentation

Anyway back home and caught up with work. All better. Yesterday from overload of rich food i literally could only eat fruit (a pear, some pineapple and broccoli). Again today plus 100grams of rye bread. Don't want ANYTHING else so am just going to hot yoga then bed. Belly feels so wobbly wavey.

I think for the most part I have followed the diet guidelines you gave me some time ago. On Monday I started a kind of serious detox (nothing technical) just slowing down on booze and being stricter about meals and also back to running about 5 times a week. SO I think it would be a very good time to officially start the diet. I would still like to contribute to the publication but not exactly sure what the scope of the project is. When should we skype? Let's set a date

Also I'm wondering about alcohol. I had two glasses of wine yesterday. I usually feel a bit hungry after - this time I didn't even snack before going to sleep - very rare for me. Probably because I'm eating more then usual.

But ok so is there recommendations on alcohol / drugs and ways of not ruining the diet when going out?

I eat breakfast every morning. Before work it is often eaten quickly as I'm always late, but if I have a day off I will prepare something more substantial and I will eat it at a normal pace! It is easy for me to cook, and I tend to take more time over my dinner in the evening than the other 2 meals. I always try to cook dinners that I can then bring to work the next day for lunch.

But ok so is there recommendations on alcohol / drugs and ways of not ruining the diet when going out?

I can't remember but must be this or next week coming because I am Covered with spots and bloated! I can let you know.

I like the flavor dinners like capers and olives and paster. I love the cooked and raw fish, I like the veg and fish based things, light, not to heavy on carbs etc

I don think I'll eat the tempora veg, not keen on the brockley and pasta.

Ok, so I checked my account and I'm way too broke to go food shopping today, so at this stage I'm stealing my flatmates food ( :/ ) and eating leftovers from last week.

This is such a down week - the rain is making me sad, Leo's being really bad at answering after he came to see me at work as a surprise, I'm confused.

But I'm working on a new video from archive footage which costs me no money and makes me super happy - such a relief.

My stomach feels like shit now, I had some stale bread and a soup (not even joking) and my flatmate brought back those sweet biscuits from Spain that I cannot stop eating because I'm so hungry.

Still trying to do yoga etc.. But it's terrible when it feels like I'm puttin bad things in my body. Lol, also my hair's gone weird again AAAAAhhh.

Ok Basta Lamentarsi ( my mother used to say that, does it even mean anything?).

I've been working so hard on my art work to get things into shapes and sum up my ideas that were unformatable until now. I've coming up with ideas that I'm looking forward to share. It's been very unsettling though - and really made me disconnect with surrounding and communicate a lot less than I usually do but I feel like things are coming into place. And I feel so good when I'm in that zone.

I love sourdough bread and butter (I should not eat butter but often do because it is so good) I don’t really care about not eating any other dairy as I have always hated milky tastes. I do sometimes miss cheese though. I have discovered that eating goats cheese does not make me feel sick as it has much lower lactose levels. I know i eat too many carbohydrates but i really love pasta and bread and rice – it is also what i end up eating as me and Ollie usually eat together and he loves carbs.

Everything going amazing!

For next menu; just to let u know, I have spare:

white fish
ham
running beans
fennel
chicory
turkey
vegetable soup
parmesan

Well, I eat things like cheese and chicken eggs but I find it really embarrassing to admit - I used to have a phobia of eggs and milk (actually I rarely drink milk - only soya) and still cannot look at fish eggs etc… Also in terms of textures, I hate heavy sauces/ béchamel etc… And anything that is trembling or not still like jelly (EW), anything that looks mushy too. I did liquid diets but I find it very unappetising. And because I have to cook really fast (I only cook when I'm hungry), I almost only eat tomato and mozzarella on rye bread with a slice of ham, or like rye bread with goats cheese, broccoli and toasted almonds. I think I like nuts a lot too (although not sure how great that is for digestion) but I love things like peanut butter which I guess isn't good (and I can never find without palm oil :@).

Voila, that's what I can come up with now. I don't know if that's enough? Or if it's clear. basically natural taste buds are pretty healthy but I also have a love for really bad junk food and I relapse all the time because I have very little self control.

I try to eat healthily. Usually breakfast seems late, and then I have lunch only a couple of hours later, and then dinner in the evening. Or else lunch is early evening and dinner simply a snack. Ideally dinner will be the most considered meal, and the most social, however if I’m out in the evening then that will require a bigger and later lunch, as to not have to worry about food so much any more. I enjoy cooking. I usually buy things at the supermarket .. maybe .. but trying to buy things from the market and the local shops more. totally impossible to say .. not so much, like £20 a week? if i go out for dinner obviously that skewers that, but that’s not so common. on average about 8hrs from around 2am.

My body feels great. Energy levels are high all the time and I feel less bloated than ever. Also lost a couple of pounds, which is great. And I have been literally obsessed with telling everyone who will listen about my improved relationship to food as a result of this diet. Everyone ask me to send them the diet and when I explain that it doesn’t work like that they say ‘I want to do it, do you think she can do one for me’

Love having my lemon in the morning, I think I could work on thinks to drink because I hate water. I am not that into apples, but liked kiwi banana and maybe would like to try melon. I have really enjoyed using capers in the food because it’s a new think I haven’t used before so am up for getting in some new things to try in the dinners again.

Three days from periods acting like neurotic creep an can't focus on to do list.
Heart broken after the franks opening.
Moving on.
Favourite lunch today - pesto rice and crudités.
Had early dinner too before dean's birthday.

i went to my gp today, thy were really confused when i said why i needed blood tests so looked up zao dha on google. Also when they saw it was in peckham they said out loud "oh thats an up and coming area". Then they said they were really interested in nutrition but that they thought all these sorts of diets were useless and you just have to eat well and do exercise. But then they gave me the forms for the blood test anyway, and then extra ones that werent on the list. So it couldve gone a lot more badly lol

Look forward to read into your blood.

I feel good, sometimes great, sometimes restless, driven, excited. Always a mix.

I can yawn often, food can make me feel sluggish if I eat stodgy things, I hate feeling bloated, is uncomfortable and I always try hold it in as looks better. But I prefer when I don't have this feeling and I can relax.

It is very hard to understand where my emotions are coming from, whether it's to do with food or events occurring around me. I notice changes throughout my period cycle and the moon. If I'm falling in love / in love my day dreams can be a great distraction. Uncontrollable. I always work hard though when the pressure mounts. I rarely compromise my work for anything. If I do my self esteem lowers dramatically, and I feel very sad. I have phase where my energy had to focus on certain aspects of my life. I have never been able to achieve an equal medium of energy balanced between all things. When I'm intent on one thing I give it all my attention, and other aspects can fade, get neglected, but it all comes round in cycles.

I don't get headaches often my weight doesn't change. I'm naturally muscular. I'd like to be more flexible, supple, relaxed, fluid.

I think for the most part I have followed the diet guidelines you gave me some time ago. On Monday I started a kind of serious detox (nothing technical) just slowing down on booze and being stricter about meals and also back to running about 5 times a week. SO I think it would be a very good time to officially start the diet. I would still like to contribute to the publication but not exactly sure what the scope of the project is. When should we skype? Let's set a date.

I eat mostly balanced meals - lots of vegetables/salads with some protein to fill me up. I eat healthily almost every meal, but I snack WAY TOO MUCH during the day. I think I do it out of boredom. I do love fruit and vegetables, so most of my meals are designed around getting in 5 a day. An average day might look like this:

Breakfast: Banana, berry and spinach smoothie with a slice of brown bread and butter/or almond butter (or maybe a bowl of muesili with milk). Then when I get to work, I almost ALWAYS buy a coffee and a fruit salad mix
Lunch: (If I've cooked it) baked salmon with brown rice and an apple, or a stew with 5 types of veg + minced quorn. (or maybe if I buy it, a salad or soup or microwave meal - 'Innocent Veg Pots').
Dinner: Something for protein like salmon, linda mccartney sausages, a stew, puttanesca, big salad with haloumi/beets/chickpeas. Then a side salad/kale/spinach/boiled or roast veg.
Snacks: I eat too many snack in a day! if I'm at work I will be buying things like popcorn, nuts, sometimes chocolate bars or crisps. And when I'm at home not working, I will snack out of boredom and that will be anything in my cupboard - crackers with peanut butter, cereal, handfuls of seeds/berries etc. Sometimes I will crave something sweet and I wont have anything, so I'll make flapjacks or something simple that can be made quickly.

glad is going well
make sure tht the all diet doesnt become about eating lightly. simply is good, but lightly not all the time. ideally you should, by the end be a stronger organism able to digest almost everything in the best way. so if you keep everything super light youll feel very good on the moment but then any time you have smtg a little more complex you have some kind of indigestion. think about considering the organs as muscles, if you dont train them they don't develop and they get lazy. so fry things, use olive oil and try to avoid eating only salads. always eat a cereal. So the lunch tht you changed should have had some sort of bread/brown rice with it as running beans are not substituting of cannellini beans. had exactly same problem when i started so i understand you.

Yeah not worries; i am doing it well; feeling full, not empty stomach
Now following diet 100%

hey i've been meaning to reply to your email but didn't want to reply until i'd actually read it but then quite busy at the moment.. but i hadn't come across it no and from what i've read so far it looks amazing so thanks for sharing

i'm excited
for feeling a++
in sept

*JUST DIET

oh yeh i read something similar the other day
this guy banting invented the diet
and for a while in the 1860s people would say "do you bant" aka do you diet lol

I don't know if it's the Chia seeds but my digestion is going suuuuper super quickly, like I process everything much faster. It feels like I'm in a release phase which is also increased by regular yoga practice.
The food I've been cooking I've really enjoyed as well - this second month I am just better at paying attention at the food I'm making - repetition is quiet good for me because I put better care into what I do - I've made cooking time an enjoyable experience, I listen to the radio, I look forward to all of my meals.
My main concern is the uncontrollable snacking - but I think that comes from being super stressed - although I still recognise my issues with food of always wanting more but feeling very guilty about it. It's clear to me that until I stop feeling this guilt, I will probably carry on snacking like a mad person… So I'm just going to try to work on that for now. Moderation?

I'm still feel fragile and vulnerable but the email below says enough about it.
Oh also it's been great not to be drinking - I think I'm just loosing weight from that.

I'm trying to gather confidence to force myself into going to this date that I've re scheduled to maybe latter this week end. I don't feel ready but that's a sort of target to get back out there…
Let's see.
I'm really looking forward to dinner now, I can hear my flatmate cooking in the kitchen.

Thanks again - ZDD is being so amazing for me!

Take Care and enjoy your time with XX tomorrow

It's incredible - I had this feeling like I had an infertility rock, logged inside my stomach but it now feels like something is becoming liquid again.

But I'm doing too much work so I start feeling things that way.
I've also been doing almost an hour to two hours of yoga a day this week, not yoga as sport but a lot of deep stretches, because apparently it increases confidence.

This email doesn't make sense but rather then discussing food at the heart of conversation - I'm thinking it's important to share other resonance of the diet in my life.

So going to go food shopping for progesteron week 02 tomorrow (that's when my week starts) I can't wait, I feel so exhausted physically and mentally from last week.
The only great thing I ate was our dinner otherwise it was so cheap and too much to process.
My scale says I haven't put on weight but I feel like very heavy, and very full all the time, not very good in general.
I really went crazy with food yesterday, it was my last day at work so she gave me lots, I had a bit of a bad moment, but I feel ok today.
I started yoga ASAP this morning, cleared things, and doing job applications. I'm super nervous because of money again but trying to stay calm and work on what I like to to.
Whole evening of nightmares but just to say I'll be back on sending food reports tomorrow.

I thank ZDD everyday.
Thank YOU also.

So yeah, the problem wasn't your diet but a STD. Ugh, fml. Anyway, taking antibiotics. 3 a day for a week and I'll be fine. I'm very hot and sweating a lot, which means that my body is taking all out.

Depending on if it is a shoot day or not I will make my own breakfast (if shooting i will eat this on set) I try to have something substantial and am obsessed with bread eggs and avocados in whatever form – scrambled, poached fried of toast in a sandwich etc.... I sometimes make a smoothie with coconut water, banana and loads of powders like maca, wheatgrass, chlorella, hemp and chia seeds – but more often than not I can’t be bothered.

I've been staring at Sophia Lauren's arms today lol - makes me feel better/

Every night i wake up around 5.20 to use the bath room and drink water. Neither are necessary it is just a very long standing habit.

I finished my period at the weekend maybe the 30th? I can't remember when it started but I think about 4 days before. They are quite light - some months I have pain for a day but this month I had none. I usually feel quite fragile in the days leading up - I can be irrational and quick to cry or lose my temper. My boobs really hurt and I generally feel like a whale.
My mother has an underactive thyroid as do several others on my maternal side- I'm not sure if this is hereditary?
I had a. Vomiting virus on Boxing Day but nothing since

Since I stopped eating dairy all very normal. Although goats cheese doesn't make me feel sick in the same way that cows products do it still seems to give me quite an upset stomach for a while after eating it.

I'm going food shopping this morning.
Here are questions about this week:

Wednesday - going for dinner out - not sure where yet but might ask you what is technically recommended on that evening. (it'd be replacing this: Dinner_ boiled runner beans with oil and salt, calamari, berries or strawberries)

Thursday - for shellfish, can I choose Mussels? I really feel like them and I get a bit scared of cooking other ones (Dinner_ 400g clams or shellfish, 1 panfried artichoke or fennel, 3 plums, 50g bread)

Friday - what do you mean by cream of lentils? Is this something I make - or it's a product to buy? DOn't think I've seen before :o (Dinner_ cream of lentils, 2 panfried courgettes, 1 apple, 50g bread)

Think that's all my questions for now.
I haven't been so good mentally recently but I still haven't got any jobs from temp agency so I am MEGA worried about money which is probably why I am so paralysed as well. But I just try to relax.
It makes everything difficult though. I'm definetly avoiding the situation and this means that I cannot do yoga or work as much because it leaves me too much time to think. I keep on trying to distract myself and then feeling super guilty. I don't know, it's weird.
Can't sleep so well either.

Re: sleep, this month I’ve been sleeping at least 8hrs and sometimes even 10 a night. However from April to May I feel I hardly slept at all, averaging maybe 3hrs or less a night and at least once or twice a week not sleeping. Also became immune to sleeping tablets during that time. Started smoking (tobacco) more frequently since then and have found that’s really helped sleep for some reason. Have a cigarette before i go to sleep. Which probably shifts problems elsewhere in the long run and doesn’t account for that much equilibrium but these are things I’ve thought about and rationalised for the meantime. So there hasn’t been any questions about this I know (sorry), but have included these details as they seem significant to me, at least in my own narrative.

Breakfast: herb muffin, white hard cheese, tomato with lemon juice, coffee, women's multi vitamin
Lunch: poached swordfish, rocket, tomatoes & couscous, spicy margarita
Snack: potatoes in oil & rice, coffee
Overall have felt good- light after meals and energetic. Digestion has been better than usual- less upset stomach. Still getting used to thinking about food so much- however it's been good for my eating regularly!

I won an art prize
Def will hav monee for ur food project

My height is 1,73m (5,6 feet) and weight varies but around 59kg (I do want that to change, I have to loose some weight, I'm not happy this way).

Problem is that I have a very small head and a muscular back, and in general african complexion so boobs, butt all is there - I don't mind that but I gain fat in the upper arms, stomach and upper leg and that I want to eradicate - upper leg has always been there but stomach I loose easily, just need to work at it more, and upper arms really I hate

Well so there's been a recent shift in terms of lifestyle.
I have recently stopped going out so much and have been trying to eat in a much better way.
I work from home, I go to bed late since that's when I work best (3/4am) and wake up late, which I hate but I guess my body needs (11am). So usually try to merge breakfast and lunch together. I usually have rye bread with savoury or salty food (eggs) or cereals with yogurt and home made jams, coffee or tea with soya milk and honey. I tend to get hungry after that and eat kind of unhealthy food I will crave biscuits or even savoury food and then dinner depends.
What I would like is to wake up earlier, have a breakfast, a consistent lunch and almost no dinner - but I tend to really love dinner mainly because people tend to cook for me at that time, or sometimes that's when I eat out :(
In general though, I do a food shopping every week with about 20£ and always buy fruits and veg from a cheap shop in camberwell, rye bread and biscuits from holland and barrett and the rest from morrissons. I'd say that one of my issues is that if my base is healthy, I also eat some cheese (french :( ) and meat (but that's my tribal origins - masai / luo , they only drink milk and blood).

ANyways, sum up now is that I feel unstable but feeling like I'm working on things that matter a great deal to me. So I'd say that I'm very emotional and conflicted but also feeling very empowered, and like I want to be good.

Ok ok re read your email and as I understand I need to give you a reply before we meet?
You speak about trust in your email, which I have to agree is very important and also very difficult for me to confine in someone I don't know very well ;) But I really want to be as honest as possible because I need this change so badly.
So anyways, so here is what I can fill up now:

I'm in Monaco 13-16 (that means from tomorrow to friday)
Will b in a boat with posh ppl so I don't think there will b a problem eating nice food.
Will keep track of eeeeverything I eat

I'm really excited about work that I'm doing at the moment which really helps and I don't know, it's sunny.
I've really enjoyed the food - I feel very energised. Still amazed at how my periods went and I havent' had any major mood swings (maybe other then nervous this morning)? But that's really a great great great improvement for me.
I've also been waking upe arly everyday which is amazing so overall absolutely Amazed.
The issue now if my weight, but I think that's jsut something that I have to adapt to with time and we've discussed that before.
This is no magic treatment so I still always have inclines of wanting to skip on lunch but I ahve to say that being "allowed" to snack really helps. Mainly knowing that what I am eating is good for me brings my mood up and makes me want to eat. So it's like a positive spiral but off course, it's also a learning process.
I don't hvae time for dinner this evening though because I have to run to cinema - so I bought sushi on my way back from central (10 minutes ago) with chicken to ressemble, a tiny bit, the dinner I was meant to be having.

Spent only one day down in bed; I feel good enough today to work.
Should I modify the diet to adapt it to this?
I've been drinking lots of freshly pressed juices... only think I feel like more less.

Ok so to make up for all bad stuff I ate over yesterday and today I had a LOT of crudités - tomatoes, beat root, fennel and cucumber with raw olive oil. Then batter fish on Rye bread- that was super hard to eat because fish was from frozen (to save me money I cut one in two to eat later) that was creepy even on the bread so I ate what I could - in general, I love salmon and smocked mackerel but other fishes seem to be too expensive and the affordable ones freak me out...
The potatoes were amazing. Loved it

Now that i got my period should we start again?

I will have enough £ to eat whatever I need to.

Gimme guidelines ;)

Ps. Love being monitored
U r right

But ok so is there recommendations on alcohol / drugs and ways of not ruining the diet when going out?

PS: I'm not on top top form BUT I am so much better and so much less confused then I was 4 months ago - so thank you.
And apparently I finally look like Cindy Crawford? lol

I usually do a big grocery shop online every 2-3 weeks, and then buy things to top this up as and when I need them. I try to plan out my meals for the week so that I can buy the right items ahead of time. But this doesn't always work out, so I often have to buy things on my way home from work to compensate. I spend about £50 on an online shop that generally lasts around 2 weeks, then an extra £30ish on things to top up during that time. I also buy my lunch at work quite regularly when I have eaten something the night before that I cannot bring into work.

I tend to not use so much salt. I feel like cravings are associated not so much with taste as with an interior feeling, such as one experiences after eating chips or crisps or carbs I suppose. Which are things that I will generally avoid unless I have that feeling, that craving. I have increasing cravings for chili. Rice always seems boring to me but then I always seem pleasantly surprised and enjoy it when i eat it. So maybe more rice. Soy sauce etc. I think alcohol plays a part here - when drinking I tend to orient towards less healthy food, for some reason, and then when hungover also. Also bread. Which is neither here nor there maybe, as really the both should be kept to a minimum. Try to use healthy oils. Rapeseed etc. Which is interesting because no one else in my house seems to like them, because I get a nice one from Dulwich, say, (lol not really Morrison’s) but anyway regardless spend a little more money on it, and then it lasts for a good while, which is good I think, and which I can’t really say about most other things.

Basically I’d really like to eat more vegetables and pulses and lentils etc, all good ones, fresh. And rice too. Tofu! Paneer when I’m feeling indulgent.

I very rarely miss dinner unless I get really drunk – if I do I feel really robbed and have to make it up the next day by eating loads. I really care about dinner and like to cook something great or go out and eat. If I just had something boring and rubbish for dinner like toast I would feel really annoyed and disappointed.

Yes definitely – I guess my evening quite often focuses on it and It is a relaxation process – finish work either buy food and cook or go out to a restaurant. It is definitely a the ritual that surrounds the food as much as the actual food.

It is very hard to say but definitely At least £10 per day probably more like £20-£25 when you consider eating out and buying coffee and stuff.

I don’t exercise at all currently which i am really ashamed of and makes me feel upset and stressed. I really want to change this but feel i am in a lazy habit and find it hard to make time for it. I maybe do some youtube yoga once every 3 weeks – but love yoga and wish i did it everyday but lack the motivation. I guess i walk around quite alot and my job can be quite physical ( carrying alot of things and running around on set) but in general this is the only excersise i get and i feel like i have become an inactive person.

At times of extreme stress I sometimes get eczema on my feet but it is very mild and is not really a problem. Apart from that none

I accumulate fat on my boobs, thighs and stomach mainly but it also seems to go pretty evenly everywhere too. : ( I can build muscle very easy if I excessive as my frame is naturally muscly and I have a lot of muscle memory from gymnastics and swimming. My maternal family are all short and muscular and I have very much inherited this build.

Money anxiety is basiccly clogging the rest of what I'd like to do.

BUT BUT - and I'm going to stop asking because it's almost silly now - but I am preparing a tiny performative show this summer at my friend Ollie Hogan's house- I'd like to discuss it with you - James is helping me with tech details and I found my performers I think - but I need some more spiritual debate I feel. Also i'd like to discuss work with you - show you start of ZDD vid and you can tell me what you think? So do let me know when you can come south and I'll make time and space.

I eat breakfast about 7.30-8am weekdays, dinner 1pm (schools schedule) lighter meal in afternoon/evening.

I love eating out at weekend. If I had the money I would eat out everyday as I love good Michelin Star food and don't have much time to cook. I Love Japanese, Thai, Vietnamese, good Classic British.

Most of my money is spent on food over other things like drink. I don't smoke, do drugs, etcetera. Very occasionally I do drugs, in the past I have done weed, coke, MDMA. Have most often throw up.

If I keep myself busy in the week then I sleep more easy in the night, I can be quite insomniac. I've recently been forcing myself into better sleeping habits by getting up early to help fall asleep at better times of the night. When I party I can stay up until 7-8am the next day, usually save this for the weekend so I have Sunday to recover :)

I don't like whole foods, think veg isnt great too expensive, too hippy, gets on my nerves, prefer waitrose, try to buy organic. other option sainsburys or grocery shop.

I've recently been getting into yoga, as I have an app which helps guide me and provides practicality of exercising whenever suits my schedule rather than commuting to designated times set by a gym. Also, much cheaper. I dance for hours when I party.

I have a sweet tooth, to treat myself I buy Pink Marc de Champagne Truffles on Old Bond street next to the XX.

I try to exercise but that goes in phases - I used to do pilates at home from youtube but now I don't have the space anymore so I went running for a bit and recently I found a yoga class in camberwell for 20£ trial for two weeks that I intend on starting when I will start the diet - It should help me focus.

I think the issue for me is my irregularity. I try to control myself but I find it very difficult and I can be successful for a few days, it always results on me cheating and lying to myself… I almost never know how to refuse things to myself… Lifestyle is unbalanced but food schedule might help!

I do love fruits and vegetables and I guess simple flavours, using things like basil or coriander I like too and I'm soya sauce Obsessed. So ultimately my taste isn't too bad, what is bad is my relapse and when I get frustrated, I go straight for sneakers bars, sandwiches and crisps and when I'm out and drunk the list is endless like McDonalds, also pop corn at the cinema. I really want this to stop and I think it could if I had a schedule - which is also why this would help.

My original taste I'd say is quiet editeranean - dips like tapenade , mix of flavours.

Another thing that my friends noticed is that I eat ice cubes which apparently is a sign of anemia, but I think it's just a behavioural thing.

I use mainly olive oil - sometimes sesame, no salt most of the time but pepper. Oh right and I don't like cooking meat or fish so I buy parma ham, canned tuna etc..

My favourite way of eating I guess is like a lot of snacks - and different bites of flavour - like turkish mezze where I can do my own mixes. (OMG I'm feel so ridiculous! Please don't judge). Also I seem to really have kids taste - the simpler / quicker, the better :( I think with what I cook, the less I have to look at it the better, otherwise, I start feeling un easy about it.

My sleeping pattern is quite regular. On an average night it's bed around 11.30/12 and up at 8ish. But I have recently been having a bit of trouble sleeping and will be waking up a few times in the night. In terms of exercise, I cycle to and from work maybe 4 times per week (7 miles each way), but because of the recent weather I have been getting the train to London Bridge and then walking into Central London (about 3 miles), and then getting the tube home. When the weather is nice, I try to cycle every day.

I don't feel like skyping right now. My father came over and we had a long nice conversation. I got distracted and I'm feeling way better. Will spend the afternoon working so I can not think about myself at all.

In terms of health I think all is good. no allergies no nothing I don't think… Skin condition I have rosacea which I use an antibiotic cream which I hate and have discussed with my doctors in england but I will try to see a dermatologist about it in Paris - unless you have ideas? Digestive system I feel is very linked to my mental state - stress definitely affects me but also coffee, too many dried fruits etc… doesn't agree with me but that seems to be fairly basic. Not much trouble in that zone I think?

Menstrual cycle I just finished one (from jan 15th to Jan 20th). My periods have been more and more regular but I originally I had them when I was 16 and I was very very vey skinny at that time and people around me were worried so since it's been quiet unregular and sometimes extremely painful (trowing up etc..) but the last year seems to have been better - painful still but can be canalised by a lot of ibuprofen or equivalent…

For your meal on Monday, something with rice, vegetables and tofu would be perfect. Remember to cook things simply, no need to add always extra ingredients and flavors.. lemongrass, lemon, ginger, garlic all very good and tasty things to add. Soya of course.

More, how is your digestion during your period?

Digestion is bad- XXX

Breakfast- kashi & goats milk yogurt, cup if coffee w/ honey, women's multivitamin

Lunch: baked corgette with tomatoes, coconut Popsicle

Dinner: grapefruit, yogurt, mixed nuts unsalted, 3 beers, 2 tequila & sodas

*this night dinner was difficult and I drank too much

Snack: kashi with almond milk, iced coffee

i've been gradually eating healthier (healthier teas also), but i always relapse on weekends cos of other lifestyle supplements. i can feel the difference though - eg i never drink milk and in the last two days i've had cereal with milk and it's such an instant difference. because of this i've been wondering if i can take it further but kind of lazy and w/e at the moment, so i'm happy to go along with this and try something new. also my sleeping pattern is really fucked at the moment so that's also an incentive.

01/02/14
I followed the diary today except for the dinner because I went out to dinner. But I tried to select food that fitted in with the guidelines. e

02/02/14
I skipped lunch because I work up late and had lunch at 4pm (not good I know)
I followed the lunch exactly.
Had 2 coffees and an orange juice.
Dinner followed too. e

03/02/14
Ate an orange for breakfast
Ate a pret salad for lunch – rightly the right one
Ate a small cheese cake after. Not good. Also ate a load of dark chocolate and a load of almonds :/
Ate 2 leeks a potatoe and some seabass (they didn’t have plaise)
Stayed up till 3am workinge

04/02/14
work up late, ate yoghurt and flaxseed
itsu sushi salad
Dinner_ 70g spelt or brown pasta with tomatoes, olives, capers, , garlic and chilly,– really nice

10. I know it's not good to eat a big meal. What might be good is to have 4 meals a day. Like breakfast in the morning, a good sized lunch from a food place like pret itsu, then a small snak at 5/6pm that I can grab becaus I'll still be at the studio, then I will get he from the studio at 10 pm, so maybe a small thing then. Humm maybe that's not a good idea. Not sure.

This patterns with only be for 2 months until I leave the XX. Looks like I am moving into a studio in Peckham where thy have a kitchen so I'll be able to cook/eat normally then

I feel like I'm being a let down at giving news. I don't understand why, I think I'm trying to be calm atm because I fall in anxiety super quickly, so trying not to push myself too much with sending emails etc.. Kind of being in my zone for a few days.

But just to say quickly that food is going well.
Going food shopping for 1st progesteron week, I'm excited.

let's swap the two meals n have lentils for dinner

i have rye bread

also it all worked out fine
let me know what i should have for lunch
i'm at home

doing pullups and answering emails

I drink lots of water, two litres a day, evian. Get ocado delivery shipped in, would prefer glass bottles, but can only afford plastic atm. Hate London tap water, looked into chemical compositions, not good. Terrifying.

Danger with me is I tend to get in fads with things, like I really want to keep up yoga but I'm not great at sticking to any routine as I find it hard to stick to anything consciously repetitive. I love trying new things, get really into random things really intensely then suddenly give it up. Always dance at parties though, will do for ever, for hours.

I love sex, kind of person who falls in love with specific person and wants to fuck them all the time every day. Otherwise, it's sporadic and occasional.

Only teas I drink are herbals and green tea. I don't drink coffee.

I like proper organic old fashioned butter. I have realised pasta bloats me. I never add salt, always add pepper.

Ok so I'm including my super intense email from yesterday below but this is how I feel today:
I need to change job - the bakery is killing me and I think because my boss is so harsh (comments on my weight, comments on my personality) it's really been bringing me down. From doing the door at ********* - I've felt like I could do that for a while as a way to make money.
So I'm working for Mischa this friday and maybe Femi next week - emailing loots of people about it - if you're not doing a night and hear of something - let me know?
I think a job that uses my night time rather then day time would make me happy.

I'm also looking desperately for invigilating (dream job now) in case you hear of something - anything that involves standing still and observing is good for me at the moment, lol.

Food wise I've been so good this week- and I feel it in my productivity, my energy levels, my rythm. Although I'm still not happy with my body shape (still but I'm getting there), I feel on form.
Also my friends are starting to understand my rythm more which is nice.
And I've been uncovering a bit more - like I used to wear this big balck scarf on top of everything I ever wore to hide my shoulders and breast and upper leg - I've recently been able to let go - sounds so stupid but it's actually a huge difference for me.

Days in the studio

day 1 9am home-made
Breakfast
yoghurt, blueberry and flax seed mix
peppermint tea - someone stole my lemon out the fridge
2x coffees in the day morning bought
Lunch tofu and veg, didn't fancy miso soup and forgot the rose 2pm bought
dinner - vegetable curry and rise cooked by a friend. 11pm home cooked
alcohol 1 beer (i have got better with drinking)
water consumed… 0
other drinks 2x fruit juice
hours sleep 6

yesterday:

I felt like crying all day today. But nothing came out.
It's like there are tears locked inside my sternum, my throat is constantly tied and yet, I feel like I'm about to release and let go of something.
So I'm waiting, calmly. I don't feel sad, I feel anxious, like I'm going to have cold sweats soon but nothing's happened yet.
I can't go to Paris this month, I'm so fucked with money as always, I really overspent but:
The diet at the moment is starting to come out to.
Although, I am acting like bulimic this week, constant snacking on almonds, dark chocolate and raisins, I cannot stop myself. I am hungry, I want more and more but it's out of something I don't really understand.
I don't feel good, and I don't feel too bad either (mood wise), but my body feels on top form - like I'm properly fuelled.
I wake up early, I go to bed early, I have so much energy and focus. I live like nun and only find happiness that way - dis connected - hyper connected too.
I realise issues with attraction might be at the core of this diet - I canceled my date on Monday, I feel too fragile to let anyone in at the moment.
My friends think I'm over thinking it, that I should re schedule the date, but I always over think everything so that's not helpful. Also, I feel things differently.
Physical space and intimacy resonate in a different way, I am vulnerable and over aware of my feelings these days.
My digestion is going faster too, that's also what I mean by I feel a release.

I am eating no meat the the moment. veg fruit and fish only. I don't like apples. i like melon and plums. i like interesting veg like ocra and other things from peckham high street. also loved the capers dish you gave me with the pasta. generally prefer rice to pasta. not into bread and am going off rye bread a bit.

fat on the tops of my legs and my bum although i am quite proportionate with my top half as well. So like thighs, bubble bum, small waste, small arms and medium boobs
i think i might have a pin head, like a little pea, but my hair evens it out.

I used to be vey freaked out by eggs and never ate them but since about 1 year ago I have really craved them and eat them often as I feel like they really nourish me. I try to not think about them to deeply as then it starts to repulse me. I only eat organic free range eggs and would not eat them unless I knew where they are from.